The world has turned on its fucking axis.
I should probably explain.
It all started a few days ago. When I realized something. I really hated not being completely honest with Liz.
When the fuck did that happen? How?
Seriously, I hated not telling her the complete truth.
So I decided to come clean. Come hell or high water I was telling her all I knew about Max and Tess. And everything about Maria and Alex for that matter. We’d spent the previous week tiptoeing around everything. Around each other. And I hated that.
Although, I guess we might have been doing that for other reasons.
I knew we had to talk. It wasn’t just about the stuff with the others. It was also about the almost kiss and the drawing. And if I'm being brutally honest, I knew I had to talk to her about my fucking feelings. God, when did I become such a fucking girl?
But I had no idea where to begin. Or what the hell I was supposed to do to broach the subject.
I mean I’ve never been big on baring my soul. It’s not like I ever did any of that with Maria. But with Liz it’s different. I have to tell her. It hurts when I can’t tell her things. You see how fucked up this is.
I’d realized that I had done the stupidest thing I could have ever possibly done. Pretty fucking brilliant of me to go and fall in love with the one girl in the universe I can’t even touch. I mean not only was she Max’s, she’s Maria’s best friend. I'm such a fucking disaster. I knew that this could only end in disaster right? And still I knew I had to talk to her.
But I’m getting sidetracked. I’m supposed to be talking about how the world turned on its fucking axis.
I was supposed to eat dinner with the Parkers. More and more they invite me to join them; they make me feel like I belong. Even Nancy has warmed up to me, occasionally letting me help her prepare dinner. I’ve never felt approval the way the Parkers give it.
I think they’re pretty warped though. They hate Max and love me? What the fuck’s up with that?
So I head over to the Parkers thinking it's dinner as usual. I mean, it was just a normal dinner. It’s what happened before dinner. And what happened after dinner that made the evening different. A landmark night.
But it started out normal enough. I got there a little early and Liz called me up to her room, to her balcony. And when I get there she looks amazing. She’s this weird mix of innocent and sexy that’s intoxicating.
I mean Max may get drunk with a sip of alcohol. Alcohol does nothing to me. Liz is all I need to get drunk. And she goes straight to my head. I can’t think straight when she’s around me. I find myself acting very unlike myself. Or maybe I’m acting very much like myself in a way I never dared to before.
Anyway, she looked fucking amazing. She was wearing my shirt.
I have no idea how she got it. But there was no doubt in my mind that Liz Parker was wearing my favorite gray t-shirt, only she’d tied it up and twisted it to fit her small frame like a second skin.
I could see where the fabric hugged her chest, rubbed against her breasts. She’d fitted it as if it was made to her measure, and I couldn’t help the fleeting thought that maybe she was saying I was made for her.
How fucking crazy is that?
The mere thought of her wearing my clothes was sending me over the edge. The way she paired my shirt with a pair of ratty old cut-offs that looked like they fit her when she was ten. And the smile that lit up her face when she saw me clamber out onto her balcony. All of that drove me crazy.
She greeted me in her whispered breathy voice, the voice she had always saved for Max. I wondered then, why was she using it on me?
It couldn’t be what I was wishing it meant. What I was hoping it meant.
I don’t even know how long we stood there. Liz with that beautiful entrancing smile, and me, my jaw gaping, my eyes just drinking in the sight of her like a man starved.
Then Jeff called us to dinner. I don’t remember the meal itself. Not the things we talked about. Not what we ate. I just remember sitting at the table across from Liz and wanting to be alone with her. I wanted to devour her. All that was running through my mind were questions about what this all meant and my thoughts weren't going to clear up until I talked to Liz.
Dinner seemed to stretch forever, and as soon as we were done Liz and I excused ourselves. I don’t even remember what sort of excuse we used. I just know that the next thing I remember is being on Liz’s balcony and kissing her. Wildly. Madly. Like there was no tomorrow. The only thing I knew was that I wanted to be as close to Liz as I possibly could be. Touching skin to skin. She’d torn off my shirt and I’d torn off hers, her legs were wrapped around my waist as we lost control under a wave of insanity. Of passion.
I don’t know how I managed to stop. I don’t even know why I stopped.
I did make her put on the t-shirt again. Without all the form fitting tying and twisting though.
And I told her that I loved her. That I was hers.
I told her how much I wanted her.
I told her I adored her.
I told her I would never betray her. And that I had to tell her all the truths I’d been keeping from her.
Turns out she already knew about Tess and Max. And she also knew about Maria and Alex.
But she did say something that surprised me.
She loves me.
How is it that Liz Parker loves a screw-up like me?
How is it that I can be this fucking happy with my life?
And that’s how this world has turned on its fucking axis.