definitely, possibly, maybe

one of the reasons i love to read is that it provides escape. i don't enjoy sitting around and thinking about all the terrible things that can happen out there. and normally i'm not an alarmist or ball of stress, but i feel like i have no choice but to be those things. it's not just hurricane maria, which is the disaster that has affected me and mine most closely. it's the earthquake in mexico city and the devastation there. it's the heartless healthcare bill that the gop in congress are threatening us with. it's the fact that our president is in a pissing match with north korea that could very well lead to nuclear war. and also the fact that our president has pulled out of the paris climate accords, while pooh-poohing the idea of climate change and all the while the temperatures of our oceans have clearly risen and the insane amounts of hurricane activity over the last month is proof of that. you guys, maria became a category 5 storm in 15 hours. that's...

i've spent all day tracking hurricane irma. my family was lucky because puerto rico avoided the brunt of the storm, but i can't stop thinking of everyone else who wasn't that lucky. the people of barbuda. the people of st. thomas. the storm was the size of spain and portugal combined. the sustained wind speeds topped 185 mph and there were reported gusts of over 200 mph. that's insane. it's still not over. it will hit the east coast of the us somewhere. most likely starting with florida. and floridian homes aren't built to withstand hurricane-force winds. but it's also not over for the people of puerto rico and the leeward islands who suffered direct hits. these places do not have the resources or the infrastructure to withstand the devastation. and with all of this happening on the heels of hurricane harvey i can't help but worry that these people will get short shrift. watching and worrying over irma has been somewhat emotional for me. i've...

book three in the delicious desires series, delicious satisfaction , gives us alexa montoya, an up-and-coming l.a. chef and dante perez, her brother's best friend and the one guy who got away. for years alexa has been planning the restaurant of her dreams. when she realizes her jerk of an ex-boyfriend has basically stolen all her ideas and opened the very restaurant she'd always intended to open, she loses it. in a pretty spectacular manner, since impulse control is something that alexa struggles with. the cops get called on her, she turns to dante to get her out of her mess, since he not only is her brother's best friend, but also his attorney. alexa is prepared to do the avoidance thing she does so well when it comes to hanging around dante, but he's had it. he doesn't want to pretend that he didn't feel something all those years ago. he wants to pursue the chemistry and pull he feels from alexa. since the magical time they spent together in puerto rico, h...

i'm a patriots fan of many years. not really a bandwagoner, but i moved to boston in 2000 and they've been good since about then. so maybe people won't believe that. i didn't grow up in a place that had a local nfl team. and i grew up watching football with my great uncle, watching for good game more than rooting for any one team. so above all i love the game and i love the pats the most. but i also love the steelers and the packers and the giants to a lesser degree. i dislike a few franchises, but if they are good teams i'll still watch the games, it's bad games i can't stand. and since the browns and the jaguars are so consistently bad, i'm not forced to watch many of their games. but loving football in this day and age requires a compromise of conscience. the nfl as an entity is power mad and greedy. it exploits it's players, first via the ncaa (its unofficial minor leagues) and then via some pretty unfavorable player policies. football is ...

it's the day before thanksgiving and i'm surrounded by extended family and friends and am feeling grateful for all the good things in my life. this past year has been complicated and challenging in many ways, and i have no idea what the future holds, but at the very least i am facing it with a wonderful group of people. in any case, here's my favorite thanksgiving gif: happy thanksgiving all!

where do we go from here i wonder? today's headlines  are not the outcome i was hoping for. i think about where i was 24 hours ago, standing in line, excited to vote for our first woman president. and now, knowing that my vote wasn't enough. that racism and sexism and ignorance won the day yesterday. i don't know how i feel about these things. i'm heartbroken. more than that even. i feel shredded. i always knew this outcome was a possibility. just because i couldn't imagine a world where donald trump was president, didn't mean others couldn't either. and obviously i surround myself with like-minded people, so i don't know or understand how anyone could be on the other side. i get that we all have different feelings and views of this country, but i thought we were better than what we got. my dad would say that america got what it deserved. that this is what jerry springer and reality television and fox news and celebrity culture have wrought. and mayb...

of time, of words, of energy. life is a whirlwind, y'all. and today i am giving in. i need to stop and veg for a while. just a little while.

so i was researching what our eleven year anniversary would be, and it turns out it is our steel anniversary. and ever since i discovered that i can't get this out of my head: (obviously the blue steel look is the one i'm thinking of, but all of the looks are hilarious and worth taking a gander at.)

i was texting with my sister and brother today about politics. which is obviously never a good idea. but i was surprised to learn how my brother has bought into the narrative that hillary clinton is a criminal who should be locked up. there are so many articles and investigations that provide evidence that this narrative is a vicious lie. but it's one that is so ingrained in people's minds that the mere fact that you are innocent before proven guilty, never mind that in all the investigations into hillary she's been proven innocent or at least not guilty of any criminal wrongdoing, seems to escape people's minds entirely. i've been struggling with what this election has brought out in this country. i am not saying that hillary clinton is the perfect candidate. i don't always agree with her voting record. i think she is human. as a masterful politician i think she is opportunistic and bends the truth to her advantage (and let's be clear, she does this l...

i've thought a lot about what makes a home, what makes a place feel like home this weekend. we went up to visit boston for the weekend, and even though we haven't lived there for 5 years, it's still home in ways that endwell will never be. i feel comfortable in my own skin there, in a way that i never do in new york. a lot of that has to do with the people around me. i've known for a long time that me and the people of endwell are not of the same kind. but being back among my own people really made it crystal clear. this is a realization that is somewhat unfortunate, since endwell will remain my home for the long term. but it's also nice to know that it doesn't matter how much time goes by, my people are out there, ready to pick up right where we left off. sometimes i think maybe we leave little pieces of our heart wherever we go, because this weekend the maine-endwell little league team from endwell, new york won the little league world series. these boys gre...

i don't know you guys. it's like we were maybe too comfortable. on a whim, my husband planted the seeds of possibly moving. and now i'm looking at houses on zillow and thinking of what ifs. it's crazy to move. i swore the last time we did it that i'd never do it again. but why should i stay in one place forever? we are not trees. we do not grow roots. but i love our house. no matter what happens in the coming days i'll remember that. but oh, the chance to start fresh somewhere new is incredibly appealing too. i grew up moving every three to five years. we've been in this place five years. maybe it's time to move on. onwards and upwards, yes? #pivot

so whenever i think of a perfect birthday scene, nothing tops this one from sixteen candles . definitely one of my all-time favorite movies. maybe i'll re-watch it tonight as a birthday treat.

so unless you live under a rock somewhere (or are my husband who assiduously avoids celebrity gossip) you've heard about the #kimye versus #swiftie feud. it is the best. one of the things i find so amazing is when people are so offended that someone has LIED. doesn't everyone lie? and yet i'm sure that both #kimye and #swiftie are telling their truths here. #kimye's snapchat videos of the phone call don't actually contradict what #swiftie has said. which were 1) she never heard the song and 2) she didn't approve the line "i made that bitch famous" however, #swiftie also totally exaggerated her unawareness of the song. kanye clearly quotes the first half of the lyric, they discuss it. so her avowals of it never being cleared with her ring false. but the snapchat videos have been obviously edited too. and i just don't trust #kimye's ability not to play with the truth to ensure that they come off in the best possible light. #mrswest in particu...

via GIPHY i have a problem. when i have a lot of work to do i don't get anything done. i'm a master avoider. i procrastinate like it's my job. it's not my job. my job isn't super glamorous or high pressure in the grand scheme of things, but it is a good job. i like to do it well. lately i just feel like i'm doing it badly. really i feel like i've been doing it badly since i had my third kid. intellectually i know that i actually haven't been doing a bad job. i just feel like i have. i feel like i take too long to do things. but it's more that i'm being a normal person about things and not the super efficient highly focused person i used to be. i've felt this way about work before. i think it's something that cycles through. and we've had a massive transition that has changed how i get my job done, so i'm sure that it feeding into it too. but ugh. i don't like not being the best at something. i don't feel like i...

today was my eldest daughter's first dance recital. and since it was just about the cutest thing ever i'm subjecting the world to a short video.

sex and the city  definitely made the cosmopolitan a trendy drink. and with its blush pink hue, it's also a pretty drink. but it's also incredibly delicious. the key is the fresh lime juice. i'm convinced that fresh lime juice makes everything taste better. i'm the kind of girl who prefers limeade over lemonade. i love its tart freshness. and basically anything and everything that has fresh lime juice is amazing. the best cosmopolitans in my opinion aren't the ones that are super pink. the cranberry juice shouldn't be the star here. i love cosmos with the barest hint on cranberry juice. the original cosmopolitan recipe only includes a splash or two of cranberry. try it served in a chilled martini glass. on a hot day there is nothing quite like it. original cosmopolitan recipe (adapted from the ultimate bar book ): 1.5 ounces vodka (my vodka of choice is ocean vodka) 1.5 ounces triple sec 1 ounce fresh lime juice 1 to 2 dashes of cranberry juice lime...

i don't know what it is about summer, but as soon as it's camp fire weather all i want are some damn s'mores. here's the weird thing, i don't actually like marshmallows. i mean, texture-wise i think they are one of the most disgusting things you could eat. however, roasted marshmallow is another story. and then smashed between a graham cracker and a bar of hershey's chocolate and well, nirvana. most of the time, when i do get to eat s'mores i'm usually getting the marshmallows my kids have roasted and do not want to eat. so i never get to try the many variations on the tried and true standard. one day i'd like to buy some really fancy gourmet chocolate and try it on a s'more. i'm also intrigued by the peanut butter and chocolate variations i've read. there was a menu going around on pinterest or facebook last summer that i definitely need to look at again for inspiration. really what i should do is organize my own damn camp fire. ...

when i was in college i worked at a shoe store--actually it was a high-end shoe boutique. until that moment i don't believe i had any strong feelings about footwear. they just happened to be what i wore on my feet and my mom usually took me to buy them. until i worked at the shoe store i didn't have much in the way of expendable income. [n.b. i probably should have saved more of my earnings from that job.] but then i had a 40% discount and access to all these gorgeous shoes. the rest, as they say is history. i have way more pairs of shoes than i actually need. but i still find myself buying them. i have a particular weakness for sandals and wedges. even though as much as i buy new pairs of shoes, i end up wearing the same ones until i destroy them. these are entirely #firstworldproblems as they say. anyway, what got me thinking of shoes this morning was that i ordered a new pair recently. except by the time the box arrived i had completely forgotten why i had ordered the sh...

i'm always impressed at how i manage to carve out time for myself even with the three kids, husband, full-time job, house, and endless appointments. but i do, i have to, because otherwise i would go absolutely crazy. since moving to upstate new york we've fallen in with some friends who take annual girls and guys trips. the guys go to a hunting lodge and spend a weekend bbq-ing and playing lawn games and ingesting insane amounts of alcohol. while there is some logistical planning that goes into the weekend, the time of year, the location, and general itinerary are always the same, so man camp is so easy to plan. the girls' getaway is kind of a logistical nightmare, especially considering that there are 10 of us in the group and we don't all enjoy the same things. plus we have to change up locales every year and not everyone can make it every year and there's a whole lot of drama. one of the husbands jokingly called the weekend cramp, and that's the moniker tha...

so i just finished reading let's pretend this never happened and furiously happy  by jenny lawson (aka the bloggess ). the former i read part of at work and seriously regretted it as i tried to mask my laughing into something dignified. but instead this made me end up snorting with laughter which is the absolute opposite of dignified and makes it totally apparent that you are not working. i basically re-read the beyoncé the chicke n story once a year, but even though i've read this blog post multiple times i still end up ugly crying i'm laughing so hard as i read it for the fiftieth time in the book. i don't know if it's just that her way of phrasing things just hits me right in my silly spot because generally speaking i'm not someone who laughs out loud at things. except maybe i'm the kind of person who laughs out loud at terrible things because the truth of the matter is that these books are about dealing with severe social anxiety and mental illness. ...