Sunday, May 8, 2016

simply living life furiously happy

so i just finished reading let's pretend this never happened and furiously happy by jenny lawson (aka the bloggess). the former i read part of at work and seriously regretted it as i tried to mask my laughing into something dignified. but instead this made me end up snorting with laughter which is the absolute opposite of dignified and makes it totally apparent that you are not working. i basically re-read the beyoncé the chicken story once a year, but even though i've read this blog post multiple times i still end up ugly crying i'm laughing so hard as i read it for the fiftieth time in the book.

i don't know if it's just that her way of phrasing things just hits me right in my silly spot because generally speaking i'm not someone who laughs out loud at things. except maybe i'm the kind of person who laughs out loud at terrible things because the truth of the matter is that these books are about dealing with severe social anxiety and mental illness. obviously the bloggess uses humor to deal with a lot of her issues, but it starts in a dark place. and for some reason i just can't stop laughing.

so sometimes i worry that i'm seriously twisted. like there has to be something wrong with me that i am finding these things so funny. the truth is in my real life i'm the person who will laugh inappropriately when something terrible happens to someone. my kids face-plant and i will laugh while soothing their injured pride. which is usually all that's injured. i'd like to think i'd be a little less prone to the giggles if something were really wrong, like needing stitches wrong, but i can't guarantee what my reaction will be since (knock on wood) i've never been in that situation as of yet.

i do have a little boy so i'm sure it's only a matter of time. and my youngest daughter is kind of fearless in that reckless disregard for the sanctity of human life way, so i'm actually positive that it is only a matter of time. anyway, the point is, i really enjoyed reading these books. and i also learned a lot about how it feels to be depressed. i have one really good friend who struggles with depression and i could see echoes of things from these books in her. i also figured out that while it's not like i've never had depressive thoughts or insecurities, i've never experienced the kind of anxiety or darkness that she describes. and i'm not saying that makes me better than anyone, but more that it's kind of a relief to know that even at my darkest i somehow manage to avoid something truly difficult. i have it kind of easy, actually. and that makes me one of the lucky ones and i appreciate it.

one of my favorite things that the books cover is the author's relationship with her husband. he serves as her comic foil but in furiously happy she says to him "your life would be easier without me." and he agrees. then he says "it would be easier, but it wouldn't be better." and there is something about that that rings so true to me. there are moments when she talks about how he cares for her that just make you happy to know that these two people are there for each other. it's like my life would be easier if i didn't have kids, but it wouldn't be better. being a mother has made me a richer human being. and not a day goes by that i feel so blessed for having brought three unique souls into this world.

it's hard. there's no doubt about that, being a parent is hard work. but i never feel like i should whine or complain about it. more than most people i did have a choice about whether or not to have kids. two of them are here due to ivf, and one was a delightful surprise (and while it's so easy to guess who is who, we'll leave it a mystery in the blogosphere). anyway, i feel like this post has somehow gotten away from me. i think the lesson here is "and that's why you should learn to pick your battles" and if you want to laugh, definitely read the bloggess's books, even if they are actually about horrible things they are also incredibly, inappropriately funny. happy mother's day!

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