sometimes riverdale is more over-the-top crazy-stupid than gossip girl ever was. it's easier for me to give the show a pass on a lot of things, because the atmosphere of the show is profoundly steeped in this magical realism. riverdale is the all-american macondo. the blossom family are the buendías. if i were still a lit student i'd be all over a paper drawimg parallels between the two.
anyway, midge is dead. i'm not really sorry because i'm hoping this means that moose and kevin can become a thing again. but first we mourn her, and cheryl for some unknown reason gets her solo.
it's the black hood. and betty and jughead are all convinced it's chic who's behind it all. they're scooby-doing it all over town, going the evil sisters and the motel and holding chic hostage until he confesses that actually, the real charles smith od'd on jingle jangle. and maybe he's just a red herring in all of this. meanwhile, archie is worried that his initial instinct about svenson was right and he wasn't the black hood. so despite veronica's objections he goes to svenson's childhood home and gets kidnapped by chuck bass. wait, i meant nick st. clair.
anyway, there's a whole ransom plot that's too stupid for words. it ends with ronnie netting a million dollars for hermione's election campaign and archie still a mafia apprentice. i think? this whole story line is a total mess.
my favorite reveal of the episode has to be that alice had f.p.'s baby. those two are #otp and since hal is looking more and more like the black hood, i'm like totally good with this.