simply stop talking about heart healthiness...please

"general hospital" has outdone itself in promoting women's awareness of heart health, and by outdone, i mean managed to ruin at least three consecutive episodes with some stultifying, stiff dialogue as well as some eye-gouging-worthy scenes.

1. max & milo counsel diane on her heart health. i fast-forwarded through this, and i recognize that this is a ridiculous thing to share, but this scene sums up how awful and ridiculous and incompetent the gh writing staff is, and does an admirable job of showcasing the tawdriness of the product placement:



yes. it really is that bad. and what's worse is that this lasted for three days. i'm hoping that today we saw the last of the heart healthiness, though we do apparently have a "it's a wonderful life" alternate reality episode coming up with maxie tomorrow.

if the above scene was awful, the scenes below might be even worse, i actually sat through these the first time too. why would max sit on the bed that carly and jax had just been having sex on? who does that? why do i watch this?



2. why didn't kate just do us all a favor and die one of the two times she was shot? her revenge plot makes no sense. she wants to wait to tell sonny about claudia's role in michael's shooting until the moment it will hurt him the most, and then she'll tell him. oh yeah, SHE'LL TELL HIM. if only sonny were a rational mobster. to be fair he is remarkably consistent in his irrationality. everyone in his life betrays him. doesn't kate realize that by not telling him immediately she is BETRAYING him? he isn't in love with claudia, he'll probably just kill her (what a lovely romantic hero he is, isn't he ladies?) when he finds out that she was behind michael's shooting.

to be honest, i'm still wishing the show hadn't ever gone there. but with half the town knowing that claudia was behind the hit, it's only a matter of time before sonny finds out. the thing is, i don't really see how the michael getting shot in the head thing is her fault. she may have hired ian devlin, but the target wasn't michael, it was SONNY. and michael wasn't supposed to be in the warehouse, SONNY brought him there without his mother's permission. beyond that, SONNY had just kidnapped johnny and had threated to kill claudia multiple times. what is the common thread there i wonder...um, yes SONNY!

this show is so messed up, it has me rationalizing children being shot in the head. the thing is we all know that this was a ploy to get dylan cash off the canvas so that they could eventually soras michael to a teenager. i just hope that morgan doesn't get soras'd too.

but back to my original point. kate was a smart career woman who didn't take shit from anyone, didn't condone sonny's lifestyle or his choices, and wasn't about to be pathetic over a man. how sad that all she is now is a whiny, shrewish waste of air time. please megan ward, go back from where you came from, you and your fabulous hair deserve better.

(just another aside, but the claudia/kate scenes were kind of funny to watch because you can see how much taller megan ward is that sarah brown. since sarah brown and maurice bernard are about the same height (or at least the same height when she's wearing heels and i don't believe she suddenly took off her heels in her scenes with megan ward) i can only imagine that mo was standing on crates or megan ward was in ditches for some of their scenes together, because the height difference wasn't always so obvious. just look:







i'm not making this up.)

3. robin seemed to have a breakthrough with emma during the hospital crisis. but as soon as patrick is back on the scene she suddenly can't stand touching emma again. it started off subtly, but in an effort to drag out her diagnosis the show is stretching the storyline too thin. patrick and robin have the same conversation every day. he says something really sweet, she attacks him. he questions why she's changing her mind about the length of her maternity leave, she calls him a sexist pig and yells at him for insinuating that she has ppd. dude's a doctor, he should know who to call to get help for this.

i understand the idea that people avoid dealing with their emotional and mental health until something breaks, but the fact is that patrick is concerned about this, and even if it pisses off robin, shouldn't he, for his daughter's sake try harder to get robin the help she needs. even if (sadly) that means having the oh-so-competent drs. lee and winters get involved in helping their so-called friend.

i understand that plot contraivances are often created to draw certain events out, but i really hate when characters behave somewhat out of character in order to make a certain plot point work or to extend the timing of the "big reveal." we all know robin has ppd. let's move forward.

4. ok, so i actually kind of adore maxie. her scenes with johnny were so cute, you could tell that the actors were enjoying themselves. once johnny and lulu were alone together, it was all misery. and then maxie went to see spinelli, who toned down the geek and was actually really adorable and heartfelt in his declaration of love. except that...oopsies...maxie suddenly developed narcolepsy on top of her heart condition and that begins the "it's a wonderful life" story break. so awesome, i can hardly bear it.

thanks, gh for giving me something to look forward to...oops, i meant FAST-forwarding to.

screencaps courtesy of laurieluvsliason.