simply shutting it down instead of getting it done

i have a problem. when i have a lot of work to do i don't get anything done. i'm a master avoider. i procrastinate like it's my job. it's not my job. my job isn't super glamorous or high pressure in the grand scheme of things, but it is a good job. i like to do it well. lately i just feel like i'm doing it badly. really i feel like i've been doing it badly since i had my third kid.

intellectually i know that i actually haven't been doing a bad job. i just feel like i have. i feel like i take too long to do things. but it's more that i'm being a normal person about things and not the super efficient highly focused person i used to be. i've felt this way about work before. i think it's something that cycles through. and we've had a massive transition that has changed how i get my job done, so i'm sure that it feeding into it too.

but ugh. i don't like not being the best at something. i don't feel like i'm being the best at my job, and that really kind of sucks.

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