picking up where i left off, here's part 4 of after vegas. though you might want to catch up with parts 1, 2, and 3 before you hit the jump.
It’s over between Maria and me. I wish I felt more broken up about it but we’ve always wanted different things.
We had the talk. In the Eraser Room at school. Ironic, huh?
It was the only place we could be alone together without Amy finding out and freaking out. That woman hates me. See, Maria wants to become a singer, which is why I set up that whole lounge act thing for her in Las Vegas. I don’t know what she was complaining about...I was a good boyfriend, I was supporting her.
Anyway, she had this whole list of complaints, number one being that I wasn’t supportive of her. Number two being that I was selfish and uncommunicative. Frankly I don’t know what she wants to hear. Anyway, those were the excuses. Thing is Amy made her chose. Either it was singing or it was me. And Maria chose singing. I thought I’d feel really hurt.
But the truth is Maria’s never really understood me.
The truth is simply we were going in separate directions.
It’s just became more obvious than ever now. Or maybe we’re just both ready to face it.
I haven’t told Liz yet. I want to though. Which is kind of freaky.
Speaking of Liz, the night I had her over for dinner was great, I drew Liz that night. Since then I haven’t stopped. It’s like that time I kept drawing the dome over and over again. This time it’s Liz. I can’t stop. Water-colors, charcoal, acrylics, oils, ink, every medium I can think of. I can’t stop. I don’t think I could even if things were different.
Everything is so fucking complicated. You see I left that first drawing behind.
It’s why I’ve had to do it over and over.
But she hasn’t said anything.
And now things are all weird between us.
Shit. I just realized I’m obsessing.
Changing the subject.
I saw Maria with Alex the other day, and the way he was looking at her reminded me of the time he punched me because everyone thought I was cheating on Maria with Courtney. See now I’m thinking maybe there was more to that than just friendship.
I keep asking myself how do I feel about all of this.
I know, I know, I think a little bit of Maria has rubbed off on me.
But I’m really ok. He’d be able to give her what I wasn’t willing to give her. Everything she wanted. Everything she deserved.
I hope Maria finds happiness.
She’s an awesome friend.
I wonder how Liz will feel if Maria and Alex ever decide to officially hook up.
The other day Liz and I almost kissed.
I know. That’s another reason why things are so fucking weird between us.
I don’t even know how it happened. We were cleaning up the Crashdown; we’ve both been on perennial closing duty since Vegas. I was mopping, she was wiping the counter, so I leaned on it to bother her. And she looks up at me and her eyes--they’re just so beautiful--I wanted to get lost in them. So we’re leaning over the counter one moment, our breaths mingling and the space between us slowly dwindling, when Jeff comes down and tells us dinner is ready.
I didn’t know whether I wanted to thank him, or kill him for the interruption.
Oh, yeah. I’ve had dinner with the Parkers again. At least every time I’ve had to close, I’ve been invited over for dinner. It’s weird because I think Nancy and Jeff really like me. Not even the Evans really liked me; they tolerated me because they love Maxwell and Izzy. But the Parkers really like me.
Except that night was weird. Not because of dinner or anything, that was nice. It was fucking great.
No it was weird because when Liz and I went out onto the balcony as we usually do after dinner, she wouldn’t look at me.
I had never realized how much I wanted Liz to see me. How much I thought she already did.
I’m obsessing again.
So, this is fucking weird. Maxwell tells me that the other night he found Kyle in Izzy’s room. When he confronts her, she doesn’t remember any of it.
So Maxwell goes ballistic…proceeds to try to kick Kyle’s ass…I pull them apart before things get out of hand. Right. Izzy arrives furious. And the shit literally hits the fan. I’m not kidding she’s yelling at me, at Kyle, and then she proceeds to kick Maxwell’s sorry ass. Kyle had to pull her off him.
So I ask them…what? Are you two dating now?
Isabel’s reply is to slam Kyle against a wall and kiss him.
That’ll teach me to ask ridiculous questions.
Although frankly I think everyone was surprised by that one. Even Kyle and Izzy.
They’re making it official. The Ice Princess and Buddha Boy. A couple made in heaven.
Although to be serious they are surprisingly good together.
Max is still unhappy about it. But I think his unhappiness stems more from his frustration with Liz.
She doesn’t want to talk to him. At least that’s what Max tells me.
Liz, she’s just so sad all the time. I asked her once, before things got all weird what was going on with her.
She said she was letting go of some dreams.
Then she started crying and I ended up with a wet shirt. She cried forever.
That’ll teach me to ask a girl a question and expect a normal answer.
Although I guess it made her feel better because she didn’t seem so sad the last time I saw her. But then I ruined everything by almost kissing her.
Ok, so Tess. Maxwell tells me that he’s been spending some time with Tess.
**Could this be what’s making Liz so sad?
She came over the other night with a gift for him. A black sweater shirt thing. One of those weird things chicks buy and say you should wear. Which actually means you have to wear it or else you have a very angry woman in your hands.
Maxwell asked me what he should do.
Since when do I know anything about chicks?
He was worried that his wearing it would upset Liz, and if he should talk to her about Tess again.
If you ask me that sounded like a really bad idea. So I told him not to. That he didn’t owe Liz any explanations because they were over. And he wasn’t dating Tess was he?
That’ll teach me to ask questions.
He’d made a date with her for tonight. He wanted to back out of it, but he wanted to show his appreciation for the sweater shirt thingy she gave him.
I told him I’d talk to Liz.
I’m having dinner with the Parkers tonight.
So now I have to talk to Liz only I have no clue what to tell her.
Why is my life so fucking complicated?